The four agreements

An agreement, in simple words, is what you think is true. It is what you consider an absolute truth or at least something you have the faith in. Since our childhood, we have had agreements with ourselves, with our parents, and with society. Children believe everything adults say. Our parents bring us up teaching the beliefs we have until we reach a certain age in our lives when we try and make sense of life and we also begin to wonder about our beliefs. According to Miguel Ruiz, four agreements ensure an amazing transformation in our lives, seeing the drama disappear right before our very eyes. The following is a brief reflection on them.

Be impeccable with your word

Being impeccable with your word is to be aware of the communication with others, keeping in mind that the word has power that can be used positively or negatively. Therefore, we need to be precise with what we want to express. We have a chance to put this agreement into practice when we are arguing with somebody. We can present ourselves in a positive light and try peacefully solving the problem or conflict as well as letting our ideas and opinions be known in a respectful manner. However, we also have the possibility to express ourselves in a disrespectful and inappropriate manner, which will create a confrontational environment and the situation won’t go well, which will make your life a living hell.

Every single day we have a chance to be impeccable with our word. If we love ourselves, we can express that love in each interaction with our parents, siblings, friends, and with any other person. Consequently, you will live as if it were heaven on Earth since every action will produce a similar reaction and your environment will be full of love. Regardless, many people behave knowing this and they use the word like black magic to spread hate and negativity everywhere. This is the kind of person you should keep away from you.

Don’t take anything personally

You take things personally when someone is telling you something about him or herself and you initially are thinking about that situation affecting you or benefitting you instead of listening carefully to them and showing empathy, looking for a way to help or provide value. This is the maximum expression of selfishness because we assume that everything is about us. Therefore, you have to seek to be empathetic and pay attention to the message the other person is communicating.

Additionally, you need to learn how to separate yourself from the results of your work. For example, if you do something at work and present it to somebody and receive feedback, comments, or suggestions then you should understand that it is about the results of your work, not about you as a person. Moreover, you can always improve the way you perform your work. As a result, the outcome of your work will improve as well. Below are some practical ways to avoid taking things personally:

• Keep in mind that the way someone else responds to a given situation is related to what that person is feeling at that moment. If the person is happy, the response that you would receive from him or her would be positive. Otherwise, if the person has problems at an inner level and not with you, the response would be negative.
• Don’t pay much attention to the comments of people around you, even if those comments are good or well-intentioned.
• Don’t try to impose your worldview on that of someone else.
• Don’t make assumptions about someone else’s thoughts as if that person would know what you are thinking.

Don’t make assumptions

The easiest way to suffer in our lives is by making assumptions and believing we are right about them instead of asking questions to clarify our thoughts. Many times we make assumptions because we are afraid of knowing the truth and we create situations in our minds trying to find an explanation of unknown things, as humans try to justify everything to feel safe and have certainty in our life. Sometimes, we even think that people think the same way we do but it is not so. Furthermore, It’s important to take the time and ask important questions to clarify our ideas. Here are some practical ways to avoid making assumptions:

• Ask questions that help you to elucidate your thoughts.
• Don’t create unreal situations in your mind with just a little information.
• Don’t assume that people know what you know (or what you think you know).
• Be ready to listen to people and hear things that probably you do not like at all.
• Stop lying to yourself about what you are thinking and embrace the truth.

Always do your best

Life is full of ups and downs. People do not always have a smile on their face nor feel great every day. But you always have the opportunity to do your best. Doing your best means being willing to do what is right in order to reach a goal, regardless of the result. Maybe the result in some cases is not good or what you were expecting, but you should keep doing your best — no more and no less. However, you have to regulate your efforts in order to avoid burning out.

When you do your best, you do not have the chance to feel guilty, since you are aware that the actions you are taking are to the best of your ability. To put it in a nutshell, doing your best means:

• Enjoying what you do every day.
• Taking actions while moving forwards.
• Taking the risk of expressing what you are and not care about people’s think.
• Say no when you want to say no and don’t try to please others.